Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Is my friend a tissue paper?

So my friend had an interesting theory the other day about whether he is know as the tampon guy or the tissue paper guy. A guy whom you call only when you need. It goes along with that famous catchphrase 'Fun with the biker, Marry the boring banker'.
It goes around the notion that girls have different preferences when it comes to marriage and having fun. There is a boyfriend material and then there is a marriage material. Boyfriend material is someone who is a bad boy. Who likes to ride fast without a helmet or protection of any kind, jump signals, adrenaline junkie, skips classes, invests most of his time, youth energy in getting his dopamine fix from breaking rules and then there is the marrying kind. Who has invested his time not in becoming famous but becoming successful, the studious kind, one who attends all classes, one who he has invested most of his time and energy in learning, earning, saving, investing and secured his future. His argument was that girls give away most of their youth to this rockstar or bad boy kind of guy who has no future plans but lives in the present. Who lives for today and not for tomorrow. Then when the girls fertility window starts to close and the number of attention that they are getting is no more from the guys that they proudly want to be associated with or go out with.
He told me that it has been a decade and he sees the same in the corporate world too. He is the studious guy that everybody wants help with to pass their exams, to do their certifications, to do their labs, to help them with their presentations but not the guy with whom they want to go out with on a weekend, go to parties with. He is the guy of whom the girls are ashamed or too embarrassed or think too low of him to be associated with, or to go out with, even though he is the one who is asking them out, he is the one who is going to spend on cab, dinner, movies, shopping. He is too beneath them to give him a chance to spend on them, entertain them and please them but they have no problem in secretly ask help from him. He said girls or ladies have no problem in being associated with married men and some being twice their age with kids. They have no problem in being seen or associated with these married men twice their age as long as their position of corporate or physical power is top 10% to 20%.
I think he has a point but that is how the world is. It is called hypergamy and women have practiced hypergamy because they are driven by unconscious motives and they are genetically hardwired to do so. When we consider the length of evolution of humans, the present civilization that we are in is probably less than 1% of it. The reason why paleo or keto diets work is because our human genealogy and body knows how to respond to that since these 2 method target the 99% of the human span of evolution. In a world where people are living in a wild hostile environment the female is required to choose a mate who can be a good provider and that is why human species has survived. Today too human females choose a male who is a greater provider than themselves even though we have come a long way. In his words they go for a wealthier man than themselves almost all the time. It is however to be noted that it only happens when they want to 'settle down' somewhere near the end of their fertility window where they are no more at the top of their youth and beauty. When they are still at their youth they go with the male who shows aggressiveness, physical endurance, better looking, with nice jawline and a strong chin, who is bigger and broader than herself, because they all represent a healthy male. In a wild world they are the signs of a man who can provide and protect against any external threat. In this modern day and age that should not be the criteria for choosing a mate but unfortunately the modern era of human evolution is probably way less than 1% of our human span of evolution and thus the majority of our span of evolution has always been choosing a male who shows such unruly, break the rule, off the road, do his own thing kind of a guy it is not their conscious fault for going with their instinct. I mostly blame the society and men and in this case him too. You get used like a tissue paper if you allow someone to do so. If you show the signs of a tissue paper then you get used like one. If you show the signs of being a tampon then you get used like one. I think it if my friends fault of setting such expectation among-st his peers that he will help and invest his energy and time in those who are too ashamed to be associated with him publicly or seen with publicly. If someone is too embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with him and they think that he is too beneath to be seen with them even though he is the one who is doing the asking and spending then it is his fault that he is even interacting with them. Clapping happens with 2 hands. Accidents happen between 2 objects. I feel sorry for him to have such a low self esteem that he keeps going behind those who think of him as too unworthy to be even seen with them. It is high time he comes out of his Stockholm's syndrome.
Since he is a man of faith, I told him that may be god wants you to concentrate on something better and that is why he has made you distant from these people or he has chosen to show their true intent and their true nature. I told him that he is mentally disabled or something seriously wrong with him if he feels sad, depressed for these people who just want to use him but do not want to be associated with him anyway or anywhere else. Is it not good that they showed their real nature and he should be thanking god for saving him from being ending up with such selfish people. Is it not good that he saved 3k to 4k that he would have spent on someone who only remembers him when they need him?!. I think he should be happy and have some self respect because if he doesn't respect himself and his time then is it not foolish to expect others to respect him or his time?!